


oh how my heart aches for you

by itzijn



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid are in love, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hotch and Emily are mentioned, Kinda No Plot, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Post-Episode: s06e18 Lauren, head over heels for each other they are pathetic, tw grief/mentions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzijn/pseuds/itzijn
Summary: he dreamily sighed, and started on his way back to the books. he tried to fall into his thoughts once more, but then realized he didn’t remember what he was thinking of. a faint glimpse of what he was feeling when he was thinking before flashed across his mind, and he smiled.in other words: spencer and derek bump into each other in a cafe/bookstore and discover something new about each other
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 3
Kudos: 90





	oh how my heart aches for you

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first criminal minds fic!! i worked on it for five hours straight after putting it off and only writing bits and pieces for a month, and i really put my heart and soul into this. enjoy!! (also, follow me on twitter!! @hctohner)

It was a crisp late November day in Quantico, Virginia; one of those days where the frosty air seemed to bite at your nose, and the tips of your fingers lost their feelings in what feels like a second. But alas, it was one of the first days that the BAU had off in over a month, where the weight of work was for sure lifted off of their shoulders. Of course they had the weekends where they would get comfortable all cuddled up next to a loved one or be out with friends, and then the phone would ring, and off to catch the bad guys they would go. But today, they had a rare twenty four hours of bliss. So, Spencer Reid decided to take advantage of this and go to his favorite place in the world.

It was a small, locally-owned bookstore and coffee shop mixed together called The Spiced Chai. It had been originally built in the 1960s, and it had undergone very little renovation; most of its interior and exterior was original. Spencer had been going there ever since he moved to the east coast from Las Vegas. It was the first place he went to after getting settled in his apartment, lonely and anxious in this new big world. His visits to The Spiced Chai had grown less and less frequent over the years as work got in the way, but to him, it still felt like coming back home.

Spencer swiftly made his way down the bustling street, lost in thought. He clenched the strap of his bag with his left hand, and shoved his right deeper and deeper into his pocket, subconsciously trying to find any warmth that may be hidden down there. Suddenly, he inhaled sharply, trying to clear his annoying stuffy nose that seemed to come at the start of every winter. A slight sigh escaped through his lips, a sort of involuntary response to his busy mind. As he turned the corner onto the street the bookstore was on, his demeanor shifted and his heart soared a little in his chest. He bit his bottom lip to stifle the goofy smile that formed on his face as he began to pick up his pace; he was eager to finally arrive after months of being away, and especially eager to get out of the bitter cold.

Once he pushed open the door and stepped inside, the warmth and the smell of coffee and books surrounded him, reminding him once again why this was truly his happy place. He took a deep breath, and looked around at the seemingly endless shelves and worn out wooden tables. 

“It’s good to see you too,” he muttered under his breath as a small smirk formed on his face, and he walked up to the counter to order his coffee. 

There was one person in front of him in line, so Spencer took his place behind them and waited. He nibbled on the inside of his cheek as he scanned the menu above the bar. He knew what he was going to get--the same drink he always does--but that wouldn’t stop him from reading it anyways.

The person ordered their drink, and Spencer stepped forward to the counter, re-reading the menu for the fourth time. He finally looked down at the barista, a beautiful brunette woman who was probably in her forties.

“What can I get you, hun?” she asked, a warm smile on her face. Spencer didn’t recognize her (after coming to the cafe for years, he knew most of the baristas by name), but everytime he came, he was still shocked at how every single employee here made him feel so welcomed and loved.

“Uh, I’ll take a medium hazelnut latte with coconut milk, please,” he replied, giving the barista a quick smile. He paid for the drink, then turned around to face the sea of small dark oak tables. He stood on the outskirts of them as his gaze sifted through them all, looking for the perfect place to sit. He chose a comfy lounge chair in the corner next to the window and set his bag down, claiming his spot. 

He moseyed over to the tall oak-wood shelves that even he strained his neck looking up to. There were maybe ten or twelve of them, each holding a different genre. Spencer liked to walk through all the aisles and look at all the book covers, even though he knew he would find himself buying one or two (or five) from the non-fiction or the classics section. Most of the space inside was taken up by the cafe section of the shop, but the rows of books seemed to go on and on, and Spencer would sometimes spend hours lost in thought aimlessly wandering around. 

He didn’t like to admit it, but deep down, he loved The Spiced Chai because it was an escape. An escape from all the truly and deeply horrible things that he has to face everyday, cases that take pieces from him. An escape from his grief and feelings of never being good enough, no matter what he did. Here, he didn’t have to pretend to be someone he was not. He didn’t have to hide what he was feeling, he didn’t have to be strong. He could lose himself in the books and the coffee, but on the other hand, he also could truly find himself. He did his best thinking within these walls. He had thoughts that shocked him to his core, ideas that scared him but made him feel so alive. 

Spencer was snapped out of his thoughts when the barista called his name. He quickly made his way back to the counter and grabbed the coffee with a thankful smile. A bit of steam was coming out of the hole in the lid, and he brought it up to his nose and inhaled deeply, taking in the heavy smell of hazelnut and coffee. He dreamily sighed, and started on his way back to the books. He tried to fall into his thoughts once more, but then realized he didn’t remember what he was thinking of. A faint glimpse of what he was feeling when he was thinking before flashed across his mind, and he smiled. 

He then noticed where he was, and that smile soon faded. Spencer Reid was standing in the romance aisle. He grimaced at this, as he’s made an effort to stay away from novels like that. It's the last thing he needed in his life: to read trashy literature. He knew what he liked, and that type of reading was good for the mind and the soul. But to his surprise, he stayed where he was, scanning the spines on all the books surrounding him. 

The pastel purples and pinks and creamy whites contrasted with the earthy tones of the books he was usually drawn to, but something inside him enjoyed it. One book caught his eye, as its vibrant blue cover stood out among the rest. Spencer put his drink on the ground between his feet, and carefully pulled out the book like he was scared of what might happen if he touched it. The Fault in Our Stars was the name on the book, written in thin black and white letters. He turned the book around in his hands, trying to get used to this new feeling. Of course there was nothing necessarily different about this one book compared to the other thousands of books he’s read in his lifetime, but something in his head didn’t seem to agree.

After staring at the cover for about a minute, Spencer decided on impulse to get the book. He’d read it, and if he hated it, he would just donate it to a local thrift store. He didn’t make a plan of what he would do if he liked it. He bent down and picked up his drink, cynically glaring down the aisle to make sure no one had seen him grab the book. He took a sip, and it was at just the right temperature where you could feel the warmth going down your throat, but you didn’t burn your tongue. 

With his latte in one hand and novel in the other, he began to start wandering again. Spencer decided he needed a sense of familiarity, so off to the classics section he went. It was about five rows down from the romance section in the back of the book area, so it was a short walk, one he’s made many times before. What was different and almost made him drop his latte was what--or who--was standing about halfway down the aisle.

He was wearing a dark green sweater and blue jeans that were crumpled at his ankles, half covering a pair of brown boots. He was facing the shelf on Spencer’s right and holding a hefty book, he flipped through the browned pages like he was looking for something specific. Spencer couldn’t tell because he was so far away, but it sounded like he was humming a tune to himself. 

Spencer quietly cleared his throat, scared of calling to him. He could have just ran away and forgotten he had ever seen him here. That would be much easier, and the pounding of his heart in his chest definitely agreed. But he ignored it, and took a couple of cautious steps down the aisle. 

“Derek?” he called out, his voice catching in his throat a little. Derek Morgan turned suddenly, his eyes wide. He was obviously just as surprised to see Spencer as Spencer was to see him.

“Kid! What are you doing here?” Derek responded, snapping right back into his usual cocky personality that made Spencer’s heart soar 

“I could ask the same thing about you,” Spencer giggled as they both walked towards each other and met in the middle of the aisle. “I mean, me being in a bookstore coffee shop is much more expected than... you...” he trailed off at the end once he noticed what book Derek was holding. Spencer’s eyes slowly widened as he realized what he was looking at.

“Oh my God, A Tale of Two Cities? You’re reading Dickens?” Spencer was shocked and overjoyed, and a million ways he could mess with Derek were running through his mind. Derek blushed a little, passing the book between his hands. Of course he was blushing because he was embarrassed that Spencer had caught him here, and found out a secret he would have rather kept. But Spencer’s sparkling eyes and perfect smile didn’t help keep away the heat that was forming in his cheeks.

“You’re not the only one who enjoys some good reading, pretty boy,” he said slyly, a wide grin on his face and the corner of his eyes crinkled. They stood in silence for a couple seconds, staring at each other, before breaking into a sort of awkward laughter.

“So, um, you wanna go and sit? I saved some of the lounge chairs near the window,” Spencer asked as he pointed behind him at nothing in particular. Derek smiled--of course he wanted to. There really was no way he’d rather spend his day off then with his favorite person.

“Yeah, sure. I see you already have some coffee, so I’ll get a drink of my own.”

The two boys turned and began to make their way back to the seating area; Spencer walking briskly, clutching his book up against his chest, and Derek behind him, going slower and more easily. Spencer made it back to the chairs first, and turned to see Derek had just entered the coffee shop area. He smiled sheepishly as Derek slowed down and bit his lip to hide his smile, slightly cocking his head to the side.

“Sorry,” Spencer exhaled as he sat down, “you know I walk fast.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry about it,” Derek said as he set down his book. “My stuff is over there, so I’ll bring it over then go get my drink, okay?” 

Spencer looked up and nodded, and off Derek went. Spencer waited until Derek had come back and set his coat on the chair opposite him, and then left to go wait in line before he slowly took his terribly embarrassing book out of his lap and placed it on the small table next to him. He bit the inside of his cheek as he looked out the window and at the passing people. Once again, Spencer began to get lost in his thoughts, but this time he was thinking about Derek. Nothing in particular about him, just him as a whole. A familiar wave of happiness that went through him made him realize that Derek was what he was thinking about before. He stared blankly as his thoughts went a mile a minute. 

All of a sudden, he was snapped out of his trance. A familiar girl with long black hair and clothes to match was outside, and as quick as she was there, she was gone. He blinked rapidly as he leaned forward to peer outside and around the corner to look for her.

“What are you doing?” suddenly came from behind Spencer, causing him to jump. He turned, and there was Derek, holding a cardboard coffee cup identical to his. 

“I swear I just--” Spencer suddenly realized how foolish this thought was and his heart shattered. “I thought I saw Emily.” 

Derek’s shoulders dropped a little as he let go of the tension in them, and he sat down in his chair diagonal to Spencer’s. His thumbs rubbed the side of the cup as he stared at Spencer, trying to find the right words. 

“I’m sorry, I totally just ruined the mood and I really don’t want you to profile me right now.” Spencer rambled, and Derek raised his eyebrows, almost offended. “I know that look. That’s exactly what you were about to do.”

Derek smiled a sad smile, and then averted his gaze to look out the window, now really not knowing what to say. Spencer wished for once he could keep his mouth shut and compartmentalize, just like Emily knew how to do so well. 

“I miss her too,” Derek said so softly it was almost a whisper. He flicked his eyes back to look at Spencer, whose mouth was slightly open, like he was about to say something that Derek knew would never come out. 

“Everyday I think about her, about what happened. If only I was there faster, then maybe I--” his voice caught into his throat, like he was about to cry. “Maybe I could have saved her.”

Both boys stared at the ground at a loss for words. The grief they had kept bottled up suddenly felt so overwhelming, it was like they were drowning in it. Derek lifted up his drink to take a sip, and Spencer looked up.

“Is that a cinnamon cappuccino?” Spencer asked, the corners of his mouth slightly pulled up. Derek rubbed the back of his teeth with his tongue.

“How’d you know?”

“Hm. Lucky guess,” Spencer hummed as he crossed his arms and his eyes darted around the wall behind Derek’s head. Derek was confused until he saw Spencer biting on the inside of his cheek, trying to contain his laughter.

“Oh no, please don’t tell me that reminded you of--”

“It did! That’s exactly what I’m thinking about,” Spencer cried as he sat up straight suddenly and rubbed his hands together. Derek gawked and leaned back, slowly shaking his head.

“I don’t wanna hear it, but I know nothing’s gonna stop you,” Derek teased, preparing himself to hear Spencer’s horrible retelling of the story for the hundredth time. 

“We were in good ol’ Texas,” Spencer proclaimed, and he had said ‘Texas’ with a really bad attempt at a southern accent. Derek was already laughing, and they were only six words into the story. Although it was embarrassing and he hated how Spencer loved to tell it, it never failed to make him smile. 

“It was early, maybe 5 or 6 o’clock, and we were on our way to the station--you, me, and for some reason Hotch was there. Anyways, we decided to stop at Starbucks and get coffee, because the coffee at the station was disgusting. We all ordered our drinks and got them--a soy milk latte for me, a black coffee for Hotch cause he has no soul, and a cinnamon cappuccino for you--it was nothing special, until we were walking out the door.

“There was this woman, who you described as a ‘fine thang’, walking towards the door. You got in front of us to hold it for her. She smiled and you were all proud and smug, until just as she was walking in, some guy who was trying to throw away his cup in the garbage can right next to the door bumped into your arm, and you spilled the drink all over her white shirt!” 

At this point both the boys were laughing hysterically; Spencer was slapping the arm of his chair, and Derek had his head in his hands, still so embarrassed like it happened only yesterday. 

“Finish it, Reid! This is the best part!” Derek snickered, out of breath from laughing so hard at his own stupidity and bad luck. 

“Oh, yes, okay okay,” Spencer said, regaining his composure. “If that wasn’t bad enough, you just stood there staring at her doing nothing to help, and all of a sudden, she walked up to you and slapped you in the face!” 

They began to fall back into their laughter, which was so intense that their sides ached.

“God, I remember you and Hotch gave me shit for it all the way to the station, and you literally ran to the conference room to tell the others,” Derek exclaimed, tears forming in the corner of his eyes from laughing so hard. 

“JJ and Rossi didn’t stop making fun of you for a week!” 

“Yeah, it’s one hell of a story,” Derek teased, but their laughter was interrupted by the sound of their phones going off. Spencer’s face fell into one of utter confusion as Derek fished in his pocket for his phone.

“I’m not even going to look, but I’m assuming it’s Garcia?” Spencer mumbled. Derek sighed and nodded as he continued to stare at his phone screen.

“It is,” Derek said absentmindedly, and he then looked up at Spencer, who looked concerned. “Yeah, we weren’t supposed to come in today, but... she says it’s really bad.” Spencer licked his lips, and reluctantly started to gather up his stuff. Derek watched as Spencer reached over to grab a book off the side table that he hadn’t noticed was there before.

“I have to go check this out, you mind waiting for me outside?” Spencer said quickly as he felt Derek’s eyes on him. He was very eager to get out of this situation without being made fun of.

“Hold on, pretty boy, is that--”

“Yes, it’s The Fault in Our Stars. Now go ahead and laugh at me, get it all out before we get to Quantico,” Spencer blurted out, his cheeks a light shade of pink. Derek’s jaw dropped open, and he stood up and moved himself right in front of Spencer, who was looking anywhere but at Derek.

“Wow, I thought you said romance novels were trashy!” Derek taunted, and Spencer couldn’t help himself from smiling. 

“Yeah, laugh it up, Morgan,” Spencer jeered, and suddenly shoved his shoulder into Derek, who began to laugh even harder. Spencer raised an eyebrow and pushed past Derek and started walking towards the counter.

“This is amazing. I’m never gonna forget this moment,” Derek cried as he picked up his coffee cup and walked up next to Spencer.

“Well, at least push it to the back of your mind for now,” Spencer jokingly muttered, not looking up from his wallet as he fished for the right bill. “We have a bad guy to catch.”


End file.
